Ask an asshole

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Dedicated to your stories and ideas. Getting too psychologically enmeshed in them just makes you a wazzock. As an expert in conflict management and personality types, I see first-hand how most people with narcissistic traits secretly suffer a great deal. Like I said, these are almost always truly good people at heart. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement.

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This behavior and mindset screws up your life in so many areas—ranging from personal relationships, to being happy or, likely, not at work, how well you parent … Heck, it can even make a holy mess of your financial affairs.

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This column will change your life: don't let an asshole get to you

And then, instead of arguing back or justifying WHY you do those behaviors, have courage enough to just hear their honest replies and let that information sink in. Obliviousness is a crucial ingredient here. But that defines you as a supplicant, and an inferior, seeking his approval, thus reinforcing the asshole's worldview — so don't be shocked if it doesn't work. Do you get easily upset or feel affronted when people disagree with you? James offers a taxonomy of assholes, including the boorish asshole Noel Gallagherthe reckless asshole Dick Cheney and the smug asshole Richard Dawkins — who may be right about atheism, but who comes across as an asshole, James argues, because he seems to consider himself specially entitled to ignore the toughest philosophical arguments against his position. The key to controlling narcissistic behavior is understanding what created the behavior and what triggers narcissistic defense reactions.

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